OK friends, Our pasts are in our past for a reason, but I hate to break it to you…. sometimes it is very necessary to revisit them. Open the history books and re-read a few chapters to be able to digest it properly in order to charge forward. This is NOT always a bad thing. Hear me out.
This is my belief and you do not have to co-sign it or agree. As my dad always said pinions are like butt-holes (not exactly the word he used, but you get the idea). We all have them and they are worth exactly what you pay for them, which is nothing. So here is mine. Take it, or leave it.
First, imagine a car. There is a LARGE windshield and a MUCH smaller rear view mirror. Both are necessary for driving. I will agree, using the rear view mirror is optional, but it does help in many cases. The windshield is your future. The rear view mirror is your past. You always look forward through the windshield and you occasionally glance into the rear view mirror. YOU are the driver and you are the present. The here and now in your life. (WOW, what a metaphor).
Recently, I explored my past to deal with some issues that were holding me back with moving forward with my marriage and being there for my family. In doing so, I now have a much better relationship with my husband and I feel like I am able to be there for my children and grandchildren where I was previously more withdrawn personally (though they may not have been aware). I had not faced things that had occurred in my younger years. I simply swept them under the rug and kept charging forward with life pushing them and the memories attached to them “under the rug” hoping to pile more (and hopefully better) life memories on top of them. My friends, this does not always work. There are triggers in life that let the ugly memories of the past pop right back up.
As life moved on, Other situations have presented themselves. Other people have come into my life and shall remain nameless. These people also have had to face their pasts. In their situations it was to help those they love move forward in similar situations (not exact) to their own. It was to help them understand they are not alone in their situation and also to help them cope and learn. To stop a cycle, to get them to a better place in life, to love them through a transition, to keep them safe and to comfort them.
The moral of this story is to share with you that our pasts are there to learn from. To not only to help us grow, but also to pass on and to help others maybe not make the same mistakes. Our pasts are not a judgements of who we are. The things that “happen to us” as children are not our fault. Children cannot be held responsible for the decisions adults make, do not beat yourself up for anything that has happened to you as a child, that does NOT make you any less of a person. If anything, it makes you stronger because you have survived. The choices that we make as young adults may very well be our fault, but s*#t happens and life MUST go on.
As parents and grandparents, looking at our pasts and sharing the growth we have and the lessons (not the details) from those experiences allow us to be human and real in the eyes of “Tiny Humans” who may see us as super hero parents. Sometimes, these little people need to see that. They struggle too.
It’s ok to have a past that may not have been so perfect. It’s in the past and it cannot hurt us. The past made us the fabulous, strong, resilient people we are today. The past has taught us to survive, taught us to prevail, taught us to fight, to stand up if we have fallen, dust ourselves up and charge forward again.
It is important to remember, the rear view mirror is small for a reason. It is NOT meant to be stared into. It is meant only for a glance. The wind shield is large for a reason as well. It is meant to remind us to see far far into the future. On a country road, you can see for miles. You are only limited to what you set your own limits to.