Positive reinforcement, Structure and Smiles

I am a huge fan of positive thoughts and positive vibes and if you know me, than you know this to be very very true.  It is so very easy to let our heads lead us to negative self-talk and we can let ourselves get down in the dumps, we don’t need help from anyone else.  I wanted to take a minute to talk about Positive reinforcement and then follow it up with the importance of structure for the little people in our lives.    When we are little this is when we are finding our identities and building our self-esteem and figuring out who we are.  We learn how to dress, how to match our clothes, how to get ready in the morning , how to do our chores, learn that we need to go to school, and how to be responsible for ourselves, for our pets, and eventually for others.  These are all very important lessons.  If we as adults are constantly speaking in negative tones or punishing kids rather than building them up, how are we helping them?  Of course there are consequences and of course we need to teach the concept of consequences, but we also need to teach the concept of rewards.  If you go to work, you get a paycheck.  If you work harder and faster, you get bonuses, earn promotions, and get ahead in life.  Why should we not teach our children this part of life in addition to teaching them that if they do not follow thru on their responsibilities, they will not reach their goals (not earn their paychecks i.e., play time).

Positive reinforcement is defined as the process of encouraging or establishing a pattern of behavior by offering reward when the behavior is exhibited.  Rather than saying “If you don’t do “this”, than “this” will happen.  It is just as easier and a positive approach to say; “If you complete “this”, “this” will happen.  It is the exact same approach but rather than enforcing a fearful or negative approach to a child, you encourage a child to work hard to gain reward.  During their work process, they are happier and eager to please rather than scared and unfocused on the task at hand.

It is not always easy to take the higher road and be cheerful and positive.  We all get frustrated and at the end of the day we have all lost out temper.  I think the take away is to remember we are trying to raise little people to big people who will in turn one day  contribute to society.   Looking around in today’s society, there is a lot of negativity.  If we can contribute to the little people of today by enlightening them in a more positive manner to make this world a better place.  By helping hem to make good choices, to make calmer choices, to think things through and not always rule with an iron fist than we have all done our jobs.

When we were children, we did not have to worry about kids bringing guns to school, we were able to play outside safely and ride our bikes without helmets, drink from a garden hose without worry.  We ate dinner together as a family, we watched Saturday morning cartoons,  went on family trips together.  If you are a single mom, blended family, large family or mixed family of all ages, it doesn’t matter.  Love each other and do you very best.  You are each other’s biggest cheerleaders.  Be a team.

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First Aid Kits (Home, Travel, Office)

Do you have a first aid kit in your home or car?  When is the last time you opened it?  The aspirin may be expired and the liquid items may be out of date or worse, dried up.  Once a year you should make it a point to update your first aid kits, refresh them, and add any notes about medication changes.  (In Florida or the south, I would suggest doing this in June as that is the start of hurricane season.)

First aid kits come in many shapes and sizes. You can purchase one from the Red Cross Store or your local American Red Cross chapter. Your local drug store may sell them. You can also make your own. Some kits are designed for specific activities, such as hiking, camping or boating.I would suggest having a kit for your home, your office and your car.  You never know when or where an tiny emergency will pop up and you will need some sort of medical supply.  Below are some suggestions to customize your kit to your family or needs:

What a kit should include:

 

  • 2 absorbent compress dressings (5 x 9 inches)
  • 25 adhesive bandages (assorted sizes)
  • 1 adhesive cloth tape (10 yards x 1 inch)
  • 5 antibiotic ointment packets (approximately 1 gram)
  • 5 antiseptic wipe packets
  • 2 packets of aspirin (81 mg each)
  • 1 blanket (space blanket) 
  • 1 breathing barrier (with one-way valve)
  • 1 instant cold compress
  • 2 pair of nonlatex gloves (size: large)
  • 2 hydrocortisone ointment packets (approximately 1 gram each)
  • Scissors
  • 1 roller bandage (3 inches wide)
  • 1 roller bandage (4 inches wide)
  • 5 sterile gauze pads (3 x 3 inches) 
  • 5 sterile gauze pads (4 x 4 inches)
  • Oral thermometer (non-mercury/nonglass)
  • 2 triangular bandages
  • Tweezers

Additional items to think about:  Include a list of current medications or allergies for each member of your family.  This should be updated annually.  Keep your first aid kit in a known location in your home and car.  Add any emergency equipment that may be required by your family (i.e., epi-pens, etc.)

First Aid Kit Review:

  1. Include personal items such as medications and emergency phone number or other items your doctor may suggest.
  2. Check your kit regularly
  3. Check expiration dates and replace any used or out-of-date items.
  4. Store your kits in a place that is out of reach of children, but easily accessible by adults

Chore Charts – They work wonders!

I grew up with two sisters in my mother’s home.  We were all close in age and all very very different.  There were rules to follow of course, but my mom gave us chore charts.  She did this when I was little and again when my sisters and I were teens.  They were very different as they were age appropriate, but looking back they taught us to do our fair share and to take responsibility for ourselves.

As a little girl, my chore chart had the days of the week (I was learning those), and the chores that I was responsible for and capable of doing. (i.e., making my bed, picking up my room, putting my clothes in the dirty laundry hamper, etc.)  My sister and I shared the responsibility of laundry, cleaning our bathroom, dusting and vacuuming as we got older.  The chore chart faded away as the things we did became a habit and generally just expected.

As a teen, the chart came back into effect for dividing up chores and keeping us each accountable as individuals.  We had a calendar hanging in the kitchen with our initials on the days and order.  1, 2, 3, and repeat.  This was our dishes calendar.  If our name fell on the day, then we were responsible for doing dishes that night. (no question or hassle, it was there in black and white). NOTE: If our name fell on a day where we had a pre-planned social activity that kept us away at dinner time, the task of dishes fell to my mom, so she had her fair share of dishes nights too.)

As a young child, there were rewards for accomplishing all of my chores and doing them well.  Gold stars placed on my chart, a prize at the end of the week (this was either being able to stay up 30 minutes past my bedtime, or maybe watching a movie of my choice, or being able to have a friend over).  The consequences for not doing my chores were just as clear (i.e., no TV, no friends coming over, etc.)

These chores taught me to keep my home clean, to respect my property and that of others,  to be responsible for myself.  Don’t get me wrong, I did not have a difficult or challenging childhood, but my parents had rules and they had good reason for them.  Looking back I am so grateful they did.  I am the woman I am today because of them.  Things like washing the towels and sheets on your bed, vacuuming AND dusting, cleaning out your closet occasionally, are all random things we take for granted as an adult but should thank our parents for teaching them to us when we were young.  After all, they taught us to use a spoon, wipe our own tushes, and hopefully to take care of ourselves overall as were grew into successful independent adults.

If you have a little kiddo in your home, I hope you are teaching them to grow into fabulous independent adults.  The joy is equal in succeeding as an individual as it is to watching your child succeed, knowing you did a good job.

SIDE NOTE: I was an argumentative child at times.  I hated to be told no.  I would accept a choice or a reason, but the word “no” sent me through the roof many times.  These chore charts outlined exactly what was expected of me and decreased the arguments over all.  As I grew older I appreciated conversations with reasons and purpose rather than being “told what to do”.  Today as a result, I have a pretty solid foundation and open line of communication between myself and all of my parents.  (As I mentioned before, I have two step-parents that also raised me and I respect them as much as I respect my biological parents.)

Opinions: We all have them but nobody really wants them.

This morning I was listening to a talk show discussing opinions and judgement of others.  It reminded me of what my father has always told me… “Opinions are like bellybuttons, everybody has them.  They are also worth what you pay for them which is usually nothing.”  That has resonated with me my whole life and listening to the talk show this morning brought it back to the forefront of my mind.

So many times we ask for an opinion for a friend, colleague or family member.   When that happens, are we really asking for their genuine opinion or are we just asking them to agree with ours and possibly seeking praise?  Yes, there are absolutely times when we seek out a genuine opinion of a subject, I’m not saying this is an all or nothing discussion, but generally if I ask “how do I look” I do not want to hear, “You look like crap or that’s the ugliest outfit I’ve ever seen.”  This is the age old joke about the wife asking if a dress makes her look fat and the universal husband answer is “No”.  It doesn’t matter if the dress is ten times smaller than the wife, but there is no reason to be hurtful.  A smart husband will usually answer “Maybe a different color or pattern would work”.  The same opinion gets across, he doesn’t like the dress, but in a less hurtful way.

Not everyone will agree with this, but words can hurt and you can never take them back.  Physical wounds heal and a scar may remain, but you can never “un-experience” something and words can be heard differently than they were meant to be spoken.

I challenge you to pause before passing judgement and the same when offering an opinion.  Is it necessary?  Will your words or actions be hurtful and unable to be repaired?  Are you speaking out of anger? Jealousy? Resentment? or is your opinion heartfelt, and coming from a good place?  It is not our place to judge others, we may have an opinion of a persons actions or words but it is just that, our opinion.  Of course speak up when you see wrong being done.  Don’t sit back and let others get hurt, but question your motives and make sure your behavior is of a genuine nature.  The way we speak to our children, our spouses, our extended family and friends shows what type of people we are the character we have. How do you portray yourself and how do others view you?  Remember, our children are always watching, listening, learning and many times repeating our behavior including how we treat others and speak to them.

SIDE NOTE: It is my opinion that if a person is continuous in a behavior or mindset that you don’t approve of or wish to partake in, than leave the situation or detach from that person.  You only go have but one life to live, choose happiness and peace of mind.  My personal rule for things such as social media is a three strike rule.  If I have friends that post three negative comments in a row or comment three times about an issue sensitive to me, I unfriend or unfollow them.  That is not me saying “I don’t want your friendship”, it is me saying “I don’t want your opinion” so I choose to not read about it.  It is anyone’s right to post their opinions ans feelings, we do not have to agree but we also do not have to participate.  Surround yourself with positive attitudes and positive people whenever possible.

Love yourself, love others, and have a happy day.

Happy Fourth of July, Celebrate safely

Happy Fourth of July! As we gather our families and friends to celebrate our nation’s holiday let’s remember to use caution and be safe. Below are some easy safety tips to follow and share.

  1. Obey all local laws regarding the use of fireworks. Know your fireworks; read the cautionary labels and performance descriptions before igniting.
  2. A responsible adult SHOULD supervise all firework activities. Never give fireworks to children.
  3. Alcohol and fireworks do not mix. Save your alcohol for after the show.
  4. Light one firework at a time and then quickly move away.
  5. Use fireworks OUTDOORS in a clear area; away from buildings and vehicles. Never relight a “dud” firework. Wait 20 minutes and then soak it in a bucket of water. Always have a bucket of water and charged water hose nearby.
  6. Dispose of spent fireworks by wetting them down and place in a metal trash can away from any building or combustible materials until the next day.
  7. Never carry fireworks in your POCKET or shoot them into METAL or GLASS containers.
  8. Do not experiment with homemade fireworks.

And let’s not forget the safety of our pets!

  1. Don’t bring your pets to a fireworks display, even a small one.
  2. If fireworks are being used near your home, put your pet in a safe, interior room to avoid exposure to the sound.
  3. Make sure your pet has an identification tag, in case it runs off during a fireworks display.
  4. Never shoot fireworks of any kind (consumer fireworks, sparklers, fountains, etc.) near pets.

Extra tip for pet owners: I personally have two very very small dogs and loud bursts of sound terrify them. During holidays and celebrations that include fireworks, we like to leave the tv or radio on a little louder than normal close to their sleeping quarters. This provides for constant sound, drowns out some of the noise from fireworks, and helps to reduce the stress of the random bursts of noise.

You are responsible for your own happiness

I learned a long time ago that no one can MAKE you happy or MAKE you sad.  You in fact are responsibly for your own happiness and the way you feel.  Now, don’t get up in arms so quickly, finish reading with an open mind before you come up with a hundred scenarios to try and prove this statement false.  Yes, there are many, many many situations that are very very sad, even tragic.  And there are many many situations that are so filled with joy is can bring tears to our eyes almost uncontrollably.  Now I ask you, do these feelings last?  Do they last five minutes? Five days? Five years?  Because if they do, than maybe I’m wrong, maybe these are the things that make us happy and sad.

What I mean when I say we are responsible for our own happiness is just that.  I allow what others say and do to affect me negatively or positively.  Take the birth of a child.  If my friend has a baby, I may be filled with joy for their new arrival.  I may be filled with jealousy over wanting a little bundle of joy.  I may be filled with concern over their ability to care for the child, or for the child’s well-being in general should there be an issue.  None of these are brought on by the mother or the children they are all in my head and in my heart and I choose to feel them and think them.

Recently I lost a friend due to alcoholism, liver failure to be exact.  I chose to not be filled with sorrow though I was very sad.  I choose to embrace his memory and his struggle and use it as an example of what alcohol can do.  Share his story and move forward.  I think I would have a good reason to be very sad for a good length of time considering the back story on my particular friend and the situation,  but again…. I am responsible for my feelings and my thoughts.  This is my choice.

When I was a child and was angry or upset, my parents would ask me how long I intended to be angry.  At first I thought it was strange, but then it became normal behavior.  If I responded with twenty minutes, than for twenty minutes, they would leave me alone and let me sulk and be very very angry with them.  However, at the end of the twenty minutes, they would come to me and let me know my time was up.  It was time to change my outlook on the situation.  Now there were situations as I grew older that required full days or even several days of anger or sadness, but just the same, at the conclusion of my time frame, my parents would come back to me and check to see that my frame of mind had adjusted and let me know it was me responsible for my happiness and it was time to find that within me once again.

I watched a video this morning on this very topic.  It spoke of being responsible for your own happiness within a relationship (marriage specifically).  If you are not happy within and responsible for your own happiness, than you come to the partnership with an empty cup, constantly rattling it begging for someone else to fill your cup for you.  If you both come to the table that way, it is destined to fail.  If one of you comes to the table that way, it is destined to fail.

A partnership is defined as a relationship resembling a legal partnership and usually involving close cooperation between parties having specified and joint rights and responsibilities.  Notice the words “joint rights and responsibilities“.  JOINT.  Not part, not sum, not half-way.

Come to the table with your own joy from within.  Throughout your marriage there will be many peaks and valleys.  Sometimes you will pull 50% of the line and sometimes 70%, even 90%.  Just remember, there are days when your partner will be pulling the same amount when you are in a valley.  If you are responsible for your own feelings, it will make towing the line int he relationship so much easier.  As thought there is no anchor weighing you both down.

I hope you find your happiness within and enjoy your journey through life.  As always, have a happy day!

Let the grass grow under you, let your roots sink in

I have lived my life with a bit of a “gypsy” flair and let the wind take me where it will for so many years.  That’s right, I have never actually put roots down anywhere longer than a year or two.  To be very clear, the longest I have ever lived in one place is between 2009 and 2012.  I was renting an apartment on the beach.  That’s right, just barely three years is the longest I have ever stayed in one place until now (and I am 40!).   My husband and I are in the process of purchasing a house and the word process is an understatement!

I have been so fortunate in my life to be able to move from here to there and just pack up and go wherever the wind blows.  I have had so many wonderful experiences and some not so wonderful.  If I am being honest, part of not settling down was probably due to fear of getting older, fear of responsibility, fear of losing my “free-spirit”.  I am here to tell you, there is also something wonderful about this part of life.  I feel very stressed, this is true, but I also feel very proud of myself and of my husband.  I feel like we will now have a home-base and a foundation.  I may not be communicating this feeling very well, but if you have that free-spirit in you as I do, then maybe you can understand where I am coming from.

I wanted to share with you a bit about the home-buying process from someone who has never done it before and is doing it at a bit of and older age.  First of all, I am an extremely organized person.  I have gone so far as to create a spreadsheet for all tasks to be completed as far as paperwork to be signed, deadlines, inspections, etc.  I am treating this as though I am the project manager and this is any other work related entity that has a beginning, middle, and end.  I have found it is the best way to stay on top of the vast amount of documents, uploads, and e-mails that seem to occur almost daily!

Between my husband and I, we have one point of contact for the lender, realtor, title agency, and any other contact and that is my husband.  I do the paperwork, he does the talking.  It works best for our schedules and cuts down on the “he said, she said”.  That way, at the end of the day when he and I come together we can have a pow-wow on my progress and his and meet in the middle.

We close on our home April 10th if all things go well and the stars align.  (I say that because I have learned that until you sign on the dotted line, there is always room for something to go wrong).  I am usually a glass half full kind of gal, but with the home-buying process, this is one place where you can never afford to put the cart before the horse.  It can literally leave you homeless!  Yikes!

We all know I love a good list, so in following with all of my other blogs, here is a list of the top ten things I’ve learned so far in the home-buying process.

  1. If at first you don’t succeed, try about 100 more times! (We have had to put offers in on several homes.  Just because we fell in love with a home didn’t mean the seller fell in love with our terms or our offer price or our conditions or maybe a higher offer came in, there were a multitude of reasons!)
  2. Be patient. (The whole world is not on our time schedule and that has to be alright, but it is also ok to be on top of things and follow-up if inspections or appraisals are not happening in a timely manner. This is a fine line.  Be polite, but not a doormat)
  3. Over-budget! (This is the time where you should not be spending money on anything extra and you should be planning on money to be needed in areas you never considered! Binder Check, Inspection, WDO, Appraisal, and the list goes on all the way to closing and beyond!  Don’t forget about moving costs, cleaning your current home, packing supplies!)
  4. Think long term (if you are like me and have been renting you place(s) forever than it is time to think long term. Do you LOVE the house, can you see changes you want to make, and can you see your family growing here? If you don’t love it than this isn’t the place)
  5. Life Insurance (Once you purchase your home, it’s time to think longer life planning. Make sure you have insurance in place should something happen to yourself or your significant other you will still be able to afford your new home).
  6. Schedule the best you can! (This isn’t always easy to do if you are selling a home and buying one at the same time, but if you are renting like us, it is a little easier to manage. Make sure you don’t leave yourself without a place to stay.  Schedule your closing on your new home BEFORE you have to be out of your current home.  If this is not an option, you may need to utilize storage PODS for your moving expedition or get creative and hopefully have friends you can stay with).
  7. Once you close, clean! (Before you move in and get boxes in the new home, you have a blank slate in front of you.  Take a few days to paint, clean, make alterations to the home prior to having boxes and furniture in your way.)
  8. Keep good records. (You will sign tons of documents and have a ton of papers at the end of your home-buying experience.  Create a file for your new home and put all of those papers neatly into your file cabinet.  You will need to address your home purchase when you do taxes, should there be an emergency, should there be an insurance claim, etc.  Stay organized.)
  9. Make a contacts list (Through this process you will have gained a lender, a realtor, a title agency, an insurance agent, security system, company, and many more contacts. Generate a contact sheet that is a quick reference guide for your home.  My husband and I live in Florida and this past year experienced a very difficult storm season.  We have an “important papers” file that we use during evacuations and keep handy during any emergency situation.  This contact sheet should be included in that file in case any damage is done to your home.)
  10. Have fun! (This is the most important part of the whole list. I can tell you that my husband and I have bickered and gotten on each other’s nerves from time to time during this process but at the end of the day, we have enjoyed finding our dream home together and planning our future together.  Day-dreaming about each room and how we will decorate and what we want for years to come.  These are memories we are making together and this is how our house will become a home.)

If you are like me, than letting the grass grow beneath your feet is a very big step to take and I can tell you, there is no one in the world I would rather take it with than my fabulous husband.  When you find the right one, you just know.  The world becomes a brighter place and troubles become less.  If you are bold enough to buy a home on your own, than you have my greatest admiration as well.  No matter how you find yourself letting roots sink into the ground, just make sure they are solid and in the right place.  I hope this list helps someone on the same path or made someone feel like they are normal for having the same stress level as we have.  As always my friends, have a happy day.

The best advice ever…

I read an article today that struck my fancy and I just have to stop and share a few tidbits.  I hope that it will inspire you to either share your own words of wisdom or pass these on.  The article asked women executives from across the country to share nuggets of knowledge that had been so kindly shared with them.  Little quips that helped to mold their careers, the way they face the world and/or everyday challenges in life.  You know I love lists, so of course, I’ll share them in list format.  I feel a list makes them easier to pass on, remember, or if you are like me, when you see it… you copy and past it into your digital notebook of tasty treats for your mind and soul to be nibbled on at a later date.

  1. Get your education
  2. Follow your compass
  3. Make whatever you do your passion
  4. In a world where instantaneous action is expected, we cannot lose sight of the value of pause…
  5. Approach every situation as if you area a small child.  Observe those around you, honor their experience and learn from their expertise.
  6. Build a network, add value to a room
  7. Set your bar high and go get it…..When you reach your goal, reset and do it again… continue to aim high.
  8. You create your own destiny by how hard you work and the time you put into the business
  9. Always sit at the table
  10. Don’t give up before the miracle happens, and it does happen (this one was my addition).

This article was found inside the pages of the Jacksonville Business Journal Vol. 33, No 19 in case you care to take a peak.  Here is a little blurb from the paper….

“A mentor could be your mom or dad, your first boss or someone you admire from afar.  You can talk to that person every week or remember his or her words for decades.  A mentor’s advice stays the same when you change jobs.  It prepares you for your next promotion and helps you recover from your most-recent setback. And the day will come when you hear your mentor’s voice in your head and the message becomes your own.”

My wish for is that you have a mentor and become a mentor.  Remember that everyone should be treated with the same respect from the Janitor to the CEO and that includes yourself.  You can go so far in  life and you are only held back by your fears of success.  Go move mountains my friends and remember along the way….

have a happy day

 

Stay Warm and get cozy!

I don’t know about you, but I am a true blue Florida girl and in case you aren’t aware…. It is soooo cold right now!  So, I thought I would share with you a few ideas I’ve had about getting and staying warm.  Of course there are the old stand-byes of dressing in layers and hanging out by the fire, but I think it is time to get creative.  Let’s not let this crazy winter weather get to us.  Let’s take charge and have fun with it.  I started off by adding a heating pad to my bed.  Yep!  You read that right!  It’s not like I have an electric blanket handy down here in the typical tropical weather, so I slipped a heating pad between the sheets.  I turn it on high about 10 minutes before bedtime.  That is one warm and toasty bed that I slide into at night.  However, I did realize last night, that it does not warm up my husbands side at all and that wasn’t the nicest thing I’ve ever done.  But sometimes, you have to crawl before you walk and it’s all about learning.  Here I am, brainstorming with my friends on the internet….
Enjoy my latest list:

  1. Take a hot bath – nothing says warm and cozy like  hot bubble bath.  Not to mention it is super relaxing after a long day.  Add a good book to that and it is pure bliss!
  2. Get to cuddling – what a perfect reason to get close to your loved ones in front of a good movie or under the covers!
  3. Exercise – start breaking a sweat and get your heart pumping and blood flowing.
    Right after the holidays is the perfect time to jump on a treadmill  or do some jumping jacks anyway.
  4. A hot beverage – this will not only warm your insides but your hands too!  And the steam from your drink feels great on your face.  It’s a trifecta of perfection!
  5. Here’s a fun fact, run your ceiling fans in the opposite direction.  There is typically a little switch that makes them turn the other way pushing the air toward the ceiling.  This will help circulate the air the opposite direction in your house.  (Super helpful if your have a fireplace roaring.
  6. Open curtains and blinds during the day to let the sunshine in and allow the natural light to warm your home or office.  (and remember to close the flute on your fireplace when it is not in use to keep the cool air out)

I hope these tips help.  If you have any other ideas, post them in the comments.  This lady needs all the help you have to offer through the cold season.  Most importantly, keep a smile on that beautiful face of yours and I will do the same.  Be sure to enjoy each day and not let a dreary day get the best of you.  As always, have a happy day!

Loneliness – the feeling that can happen as you stand in the middle of a crowded room.

Sometimes during this time of year it is easy for the feeling of loneliness to overtake us.  The Holidays have passed, family has all gone back home to their day-to-day lives and on top of all that, the weather is gloomy and cold.  Has this feeling ever crept up on you?  Loneliness in some form, happens to all of us at some point in our lives.  It happens to different degrees and for different reasons, but it happens. There is a big difference between being alone and feeling lonely.  If you are nodding your head as you read this, than I suspect, you’ve experienced both.  I thought it would be a great time to share some ways to combat this awful feeling since my personal goal this year is to keep that holiday cheer and inner happy glow burning bright.  Loneliness is a feeling that can creep up and extinguish that beautiful glow inside of us if we are not standing guard over it and making the most of the days, week, and months as they pass by.  Here are a few tips from myself and a few others out there in internet land.

Be aware of yourself – pay attention to your moods and feelings.  Don’t go too long without a quick gut check.  Are you happy, sad, bored, or restless?  Staying on top of your feelings can help to keep the ugly ones at bay.  When we find ourselves getting a bit down, don’t wait to change our situation, be proactive and jump start your emotions into a happier phase

Write it down – journal, be creative, and be expressive.  Sometimes, there is a good reason for the lonely feeling and we just need to work through it.  Keeping a journal is a great way to work through our emotions and understand them rather than let them mill around and rent space in our head.

Look for like-minded people – If you are feeling alone vs. lonely, it’s time to find people you have things in common with and get active.  Start talking, texting, e-mailing and fill your schedule or time with conversations and activities.

Make your current bonds even stronger – Reach out to your friends and families.  Learn more about them and let them learn about you.  Make a lunch date with an old friend, go for a road trip to visit a cousin, or plan to go shopping or see a movie with a sibling.

Be aware of your health – don’t let the cold weather get to you and don’t let feeling down lead to not eating or sleeping well.  At the first sign of a health change, again, be proactive.  Fight back with a change in your lifestyle.  Start taking walks, work out at home to a you-tube video, plan meals or try new recipes to find enjoyment in eating rather than feeling like food doesn’t taste good.  Eat smaller meals rather than one large one if you aren’t in the mood to eat.

Set goals to get involved, set a schedule, volunteer, and get involved in your community.  Use your resources.  Read the happenings on the bulletin board of a local coffee shop. Take a class at a DIY store or craft store.  Take time to learn a new skill or hobby.

Surround yourself with things that provoke positivity.  (Humorous feeds on social media, comedy on television or movies, Art with positive slogans in it).  I can tell you, I have even gone the distance of writing my self notes and leaving them around the house from time to time.

Just to be clear, I am not a doctor or a psychiatrist or hold any medical degree whatsoever.  I am just a lady who has felt lonely a time too many and wants to share how I manage to get through a few dark days in hopes that you can do the same.  If you are feeling overwhelming sadness or significant loss of interest in life, please seek professional help or reach out to someone.  This is just a blog to offer suggestions and a virtual hug for those who need one.  Sometimes, it’s nice to know that others have been there, and made it through dark days so you can too.  As always, have a happy day. ~ Mrs. Go to Girl

 

An Attitude of Gratitude

It’s November and this is typically the time of year when we all take more time than usual, or possibly stop for the first time all year, and begin to list the things we are grateful for.  Thanksgiving brings that warm loving feeling out in a lot of us and reminds us of the importance of family, friends, and quality time.  Here are a few challenges for yourself, your family and friends this fall season.  I challenge you to try one or all of them, bringing an “attitude of gratitude” into your home and possibly having it last beyond the holiday season.

  1. A daily gratitude list – Each day write down one thing you are grateful for. Put it on a small piece of paper and drop it into a mason jar.  On Thanksgiving Day, take time for each person to pull out their papers and share with family and friends what they are grateful for.  To expand on this idea, make it one jar per family and write your name / date on each note (so you remember who wrote it and when).  These can be one word notes or maybe a small message.  It will be a great way to start your Thanksgiving Holiday as well as start each day with an Attitude of Gratitude.  To keep this fun tradition going past the holidays, set dates for family gratitude dinners.  (Christmas Eve, New Years, Day, the first of each month, maybe every Sunday Night).  It can be a great way to keep a grateful heart and a great way to keep your family close. You might be surprised to find that one moment you took from your day, really touched a family member enough to make it on their gratitude list.  Now that is a full circle of happiness!
  2. A daily or weekly Random Act of Kindness – These can be a lot of fun and really make your heart smile! Do something for someone else that is unexpected and unsolicited with no expectation of a return gesture.  Some ideas that are fun can be paying for the car behind you in a drive thru line at a fast food place or coffee house.  Leave a kind note randomly on a parked car in the mall on a busy shopping day to simply wish a stranger a great day.  Stop and speak to a cashier or retail associate, look them in the eye, and ask how their day is going.  Thank them for working today.  If you have ever had a retail job during the holidays, than I’m sure you know that a person taking a moment to be nice goes a long way.  NOTE: This is also a great opportunity to set an example for the little ones shopping with us.  They learn by what they see and if your manners are great, it will rub off on them so remember please and thank-you as well.  There are so many ways to leave a smile, help another, the possibilities are endless, and this is a great way to use your imagination and do these things as an individual or make a greater team effort as a family.
  3. Contribute to a charitable organization or participate in a charitable event – Contributions come in many forms other than money. Two that come to mind are time and effort.  Volunteer for a local event, participate in the planning process, or maybe stay after to help clean-up along with participating.  This is a great way to help important causes in your community, get to know your neighbors, and work together as a family.  It feels good to give back.  Soup kitchens are always looking for volunteers, as are pet shelters.  Another great way to contribute (and get ready for Christmas) is to clean out your closets and toy boxes.  So many toys and clothes go unused / unworn and eventually get tossed out with the trash.  Make it a habit to help your children donate the items they are no longer using or have outgrown.

These are just a few ideas of how to have an attitude of gratitude and to help keep it past the holiday season.  I hope you and your family are enjoying the cooler weather and as always, I have a happy day!

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