Category: Goals

The Power of Positivity

I’m not going to lie… it is not easy to ALWAYS be positive.  Things happen, life happens, and it isn’t always pleasant.  This conversation is not about ALWAYS be positive, it is instead about intending to always be positive and absorbing others positivity when you lack in that area.

“Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.”
― Oprah Winfrey

Could not have said it better myself!  There is an old saying that I sure we all know, “Stop and Smell the Roses.”  I truly believe these tow quotes go hand in hand.  Do I have a million dollars?  Nope.  Am I able to earn a living and able to work hard to pay my bills? Yes.  And I am grateful.

Gratitude and positivity are the cousins of happiness.  If I am happy and maintaining a positive outlook on life, then I am able to manifest the good in life.  If I am negative and focused on the bad things that are happening or have happened, then I am missing out on what is right in front of me.  I am looking on the rear-view mirror and not through the windshield of life.

There are folks out there whose first instinct is sarcasm or possibly to comment on the negative.  These people, if given the opportunity can affect how we think and feel about situations and activities.  When we were kids and we were so excited about maybe a boy we liked, or a grade we got, or an upcoming activity; if there was a “cool kid” that thought differently, did we let their opinion sway ours?  Did you wear a beautiful new dress to school one day and maybe a girl commented on the fit not being just right and you suddenly felt less beautiful.  Imagine if those same comments were reversed and you were encouraged by those you admired.  Would that change your feelings?  Of Course.  It would hype you up and you would feel even better than you already did.  THIS is the power of positivity and transversely the power of negative thinking.

Now, think of your current life and current situations.  Are you that mean girl always commenting on the negative or possibly thinking you are politely playing devil’s advocate or are you the one hyping up your friends and even strangers, encouraging them to be the best they can.  Are you the one saying, “do better” or are you saying, “I know you can do, keep going”.  Those statement can have the same intent but be felt so differently on the receiving end.

Just one small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day.

Dalai Lama

So, the question is, how do you radiate positivity without feeling like you are walking on eggshells with what you say and do.  Easy!  Confidence, good self-esteem, self-care and compassion.  It’s the recipe for happiness in any and all situations.

Bad things happen, there is no doubt in that.  How we react to them is what matters.  Not the bad thing itself.

“It will never rain roses: when we want to have more roses, we must plant more roses.”
― George Eliot

It will in fact always rain sometime….  It is what we do with that rain.  Here are my thoughts on what to do with the negative:

  1. Share your story, but don’t focus on the bad, focus on your climb upward from that moment.  That is where the positive is.
  2. Seak out “Moments” and embrace them. If it is raining, then be glad you don’t have to water the lawn.  You are saving money and the work to do so. If you are running late to work, let’s be honest… you are already late.  Take a breath and do a little self-talk to be grateful for your job and the ability to do it, then charge on.
  3. Plant the roses: Share a compliment, hold a door, smile at a stranger, say please and thank you for any service rendered to you.  These tiny little actions can plant a rose in someone else’s garden.  This allows you to have more roses everywhere you go, not just keep them to yourself.

Positivity breeds positivity and we don’t share it, it won’t grow.

“Keep your thoughts positive because your thought become YOUR WORDS.
Keep your words positive because your words become YOUR BEHAVIOR
Keep your behavior positive because your behavior becomes YOUR HABITS
Keep your habits positive because your habits become YOUR VALUES
Keep your values positive because your values become YOUR DESTINY”

― Mahatma Gandhi

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Continuing Education – finding time is easier than you think

This blog is to all of the busy people out there that are entrenched in their day to day and think they have NO TIME left to continue to learn as they grow and age.  Well, you are wrong.  And I say this because I was one of those people for so long until I decided to join the masses and start listening to “Books on tape”.  Yes, I know that the word tape is null and void at this point, but I’m an old lady so hang in there with me and allow me to use “old terms” now and again.

At work, the leadership team was challenged to read a book to begin a new process of leadership and management to allow the company I work for to go to the next level, leaving the plateau we have hit in the dust.  Now, I love to read but reading for work and a business book at that, hard pass.  I just don’t have the time.  Nevertheless, it was a requirement so the time I would find.

I have many friends that listen to books on tape.  As they exercise, walk the dog, etc.  Now as a wife, grandma and mom, these times are usually accompanied with a spouse, kid or grandkid chatting it up about their day or the latest issue in their lives and I am not willing to give up these precious moments.  Reading in my spare time, is an activity I love but to be honest, I like to hold the book, physically turn the pages and do this in my pajamas under a blanket with a cup of coffee.  So how do I read this book and how does this relate to continuing education?

I subscribed to audible.  It’s a program with amazon and of all of the programs I checked out, this is the best and most affordable and allows me to a few options.  With my subscription (which is incredibly reasonably priced), I get monthly credits to download books.  I can add books to my wish list and I can keep them in my library.   Ok, this may all sound very “normal” to the younger generation out there, but this is what I really want to share..

I was picking my grandson up from school one day and my “Book on tape” was playing thru the blue tooth connection in the car.  He says to me, “Grandma what are you listening to?”  I smiled and said this is my homework.  To which he replied, “You don’t have homework, you don’t even go to school!”

Immediately a bell goes off in my head!  What a teaching moment for my little guy!.

“Sweetheart, grandma is listening to this book for work.  I want to keep moving up in my job and keep going further.  To do that, I have to keep learning and growing.  This is a book teaching me about leadership so I can help the others in my company grow as well.”

“Is it boring?” He asks.

I laughed and said, “Well, boring is a mindset.  I am listening to this and as I am, I am thinking about how it applies to what I do and how I interact with people. So, no not so boring.  Now if I was in a mindset of cooking your dinner, then this may be very distracting.  Much like you and your schoolwork.  It is hard to do your schoolwork when your friends are over, or you are watching a tv show.  But if you are focused on what the schoolwork is, then you may find it easier to understand and it may “stick” in your brain better.   So, as I was driving to pick you up, I chose to listen to this recording.  I just left work and that mindset was fresh.”

To my surprise, he asked if he could listen to it on the rest of our trip home.  I obliged.  And yes, he talked thru the whole thing.

My point here is that if you commute, if you take a lunch break, or even if you take shorter breaks during the day, these are all prime opportunities to grow and learn that do not take away from our busy life.  You may even find it refreshing.

Below is a link to get you started and a few book titles I have found interesting.  Enjoy and keep learning!

Books to check out:

  • Traction: Get a Grip on your Business
  • Good to Great
  • The 6-Minute Workday: An Entrepreneur’s Guide to Using the Power of Leverage…

As always, have a happy day! ~Mrs. Go To Girl

 

 

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A pet to raise your child

If you have a kid, you need a pet.  Now I know that is a statement that seems direct.  Who am I to tell you to get a pet?  Well, let me share with you why I feel so strongly about this.  As a child, we had a cat.  I am not a cat person as an adult, but I do recall fond memories of our cat as a child.  We also had a dog in my teenage years.  On both occasions, the animals were cared for by my parents, but there were times that pet care was a chore assigned to my sister and I.  As an adult, I see why these chores were assigned from time to time, but never my permanent chore. (and I also see why it was not my full time responsibility)

Reason 1: Caring for others

Teaching kids to care for others is a process.  They need to see it, do it and learn what happens when you don’t do it.  That means they need to walk dogs, feed cats and play with them.  As we all know, the consequences of not doing these are accidents on the floor, crying from the pet or even chewing up things we don’t want chewed in an effort to seek attention.  Sounds a lot like a kid right?  The point is; their little minds don’t see us as mommies and daddies doing this for our children.  From the moment they are born, we are wiping butts, feeding crying babies and entertaining them as they grow into little people.  Having a pet takes each of these actions and applies them to an unbiased party.

Reason 2: Sharing

Kids, especially first born or only children need to learn to share.  Even prior to daycare or VPK, there is an opportunity to teach this by moms and dads giving affection to pets.  Doesn’t sound like a big deal, but when first done, you may find your little one crawling into our lap or doing something to turn your attention back to them.  This is natural but dividing your attention between a pet and a child shows them without causing any harm, that you can have affections toward others in addition to loving them.  Please do not misunderstand, I am by no means suggesting you neglect a child or care for a pet instead of a child.  This is simply an example of a lesson a child can learn almost subliminally.

Reason 3: Comfort

Kids need to be able to count on and confide in a buddy.  Aside from their parents or maybe a sibling, a pet is the next immediate resource for small kids.  In many cases, animals adopt a protective bond over small children, often providing comfort and a calmness to little ones.  As a child grows, so will this bond. If you have ever had a childhood pet, I’m sure there was a time or two that you confided in your four-legged best friend.  Shared your deepest secrets or feelings.  By doing that it taught you the meaning of friendship and loyalty. Pets are nothing if not loyal.

Reason 4: Death

As much as I hate to say it, the death of a pet as a result of an illness or old age is often one of the first times children will experience death.  This helps them to learn about the natural expiration date we all have.  It also helps them to learn to value memories.  By experiencing the loss of a family pet it gives you an opportunity to teach your children about the circle of life (in whichever religion you believe).  It gives you an opportunity to show them how to mourn but also how to celebrate the memories.

I am not a parenting expert, nor do I claim to be an expert in anything, but I have lived a solid, experience-filled life and feel as though our experiences (good and bad) can be passed on in a positive light to the next generation.  As your family decides on a pet in the future or maybe you already have a pet, but are now adding a child to the mix, I hope this little blog on the topic of family pets is helpful.

As always – Have a Happy day ~Mrs Go to girl

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The days following a celebration

Here we are and it is three days past Christmas.  We have spent at least a month gearing up for the holiday celebration.  Buying and wrapping gifts, planning get togethers and meals with friends and loved ones and then the big day is here!  The same happens for a wedding (only slightly delayed taking into consideration the honeymoon).  The days after everything “gets back to normal” can be draining.

As I sit here today, back at work and engaging with co-workers and clients alike, I find myself in a whirlwind of emotion.  The day or two returning from a celebration are filled with recanted conversations of how the holiday or celebration was spent, who attended, what gifts were exchanged, etc.  But then there is day three.    Day three brings back the “normal” and I can’t help but find myself a bit out of sorts.  Almost physically tired from the excitement of the previous days and even month, here I sit in a bit of a fog.

I think day three is the adjustment period.  The time when the excited conversations stop, the day to day work and chores filter into a steady pace and the emotion I find myself feeling is “blah”.  Don’t get me wrong, I am very happy and had a great holiday season, but I am noticing the office is quieter now than the previous days and week.  The moods are a bit more chill but yet still focused.  Though this is not at all a bad day it does beg the question “where did the joy go?”  Where is the merriment?

In life we have good days and bad days, but to make a good or bad day there is usually an event or thing that causes the good and the bad.  I have always said we should appreciate the bad days for without them there would be no good ones. But here we are in a day like today… no good or bad to be had.  Just a day.

In writing this, I think I have decided these “blah” days of no agenda and nothing exciting to do but the normal occurring should also be considered “good days”.  These are the days we allow ourselves to catch our breath from the roller coaster ride of life.  These moments we find ourselves in that may sometimes feel awkward simply because nothing is making the day good or bad, are the worlds way of saying, be still.  There is a twist coming, you should rest and prepare. Prepare for a high or a low, prepare for joy or sadness, but in this moment, be still. Your roller coaster ride of life is gearing up for another adventure.

And with that, I am still.

Have a Happy Day ~ Mrs. Go To Girl

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Life on a Budget…

Many times in my many years I have had to live by a stricter budget than I would have liked. It took me a while to change my perspective on tightening my belt to make the bills and still live an adventurous life. For so long, it felt similar to a diet. If you are anything like me when it comes to dieting, you adhere to it for about two days, then spend two days being resentful and then you fall off the wagon. Funny how both budgets and diets sound like swear words to me. I’ve lived much of my life on the edge of one of the things that set me off in the wrong direction quickly, is anything restrictive or seeming to feel claustrophobic.

Once I figured out that I was feeling this way, it was time to change my mindset, but how? Here are the facts:

  • There is only so much time in a day
  • There is only so much income coming in

So all of the above considered, how do I turn this struggle into an opportunity for adventure? Well, it does take some creativity, but more so it takes a complete change in your thought process. Now, I share this with you not as an expert, but as a lady who has lived a bit under many circumstances and learned a few things along the way. I have friends that are well off. I have friends that are single moms and work their tails off to provide. I have friends that have done well and then fallen on hard times and friends that have come into money unexpectedly. I have watched and even experienced a bit of these myself, and above all have learned it is an attitude and mindset that lets us all get thru to the finish line.

So, back to the idea of making this into an adventure and even a challenge. A competition with myself if you will. I have a goal in mind and I want to reach it. So that goal needs to be the finish line. I need to work back from there. What items do I need with me at the finish line? Money? Stuff? People? All of these things need to play into my plan to get to the finish line and be winning. For this particular goal, I need to have a bit of extra cash in reserves at the finish line. So, I need to add that to my goal and then work backwards If I were to add stuff or people, then I would need to calculate the costs of those in as well.

Now that I have my finish line marked, I need to add a time frame to it. Without a time frame, is it really a race to the finish and how will we know if we have reached our goal. I will set mine at 30 days. It is aggressive for this particular goal, but I am motivated. That brings me to my next subject; motivation. There has to be a reason for the goal or you will lose your inspiration quickly. (Like the diet analogy and falling off the wagon). The motivator has to be big enough, intense enough, to not fade during the race to the finish line. Mine is a lifestyle change at the end of the 30 days. One I have dreamt of for many years. It is close enough now that I can actually see myself living in this new way. No wavering here.

Ok, we have a goal, set a timeframe, and have determined we have a strong motivator…. now what? Well, this is where the rubber meets the road. I’ve got to take a hard look at the steps I need to take to get there. The long jumps, the hops, and even the baby steps and ensure they are in the correct order to be successful. Since this is a money goal, it has to do with income, bills due and the extras needed to get all the way across the line. This part takes a bit of time. It requires number crunching, applying dates and amounts to each item along the way. This also requires thinking on a micro level. In my case, how much do I anticipate spending on gas, groceries, and any other things that take away from the bottom line. Manicures! I almost forgot. This is not a need, but something I do for myself every two weeks. Yep, into the budget that goes as well.

It does help to take a historic look at your bank account. Have you ever really looked at all the times your so easily swipe that little plastic card. Have you ever added up all the funds spent at starbucks or McDonalds? After I did, I realized it was a lot of fish-filet sandwiches and maybe I should change my eating habits! YIKES! Ok, I digress. The point here is to bring to the surface the reality of your spending. Now take pause here to do a reality check. This historical look at your spending it not meant to get you down in the dumps. It is meant to just bring you into the realization of what your day to day really is. There will be no time here to pause for longer than needed. There is no time here for poor babies or sad faces about reckless spending. This is where you really jump in and roll around in those thoughts for a while, but then dust yourself off and be sure not to lose focus. Afterall we are facing forward not back.
A LITTLE self-analysis is never a bad thing.

Ok, back to the task at hand. I’ve now got my path set…

  • Goal, what my end result needs to be to turn the page to the next chapter
  • Timeframe starting now and taking me all the way to the finish line
  • Motivator, what it is that will keep me inspired to stay focused on the task at hand
  • Budget plan with times / dates of each item to be paid along the way.

It’s go time! Now, lets put the plan into action. For some a daily journal helps. For some, a checklist of things to do each day or week helps. For me, I need a spreadsheet and to check it daily. I have also found a few tricks that will help me. I am one of those people that is quick to shop on line or swipe my little plastic card without thinking. To prevent these things from derailing me from reaching my goal, I need bumpers up. What are bumpers? Well if you have ever taken a child bowling, you are familiar. These are the guards on either side of the lane that help the ball roll down the center rather than falling off into a gutter. In my case, the gutter is on-line shopping and easy swipes of a credit card. So what will my bumpers be?

  1. Use cash. Since I have estimated my grocery and gas spending, simply take those amounts out of the bank and keep them handy. This puts a rule into place of no more swiping that card unless NEEDED.
  2. Delete the auto filled passwords on my on-line accounts. I can write them down and put them into the safe so I don’t forget them (because I will). This puts a little stop in between my shopping and the check out process. This should be enough to give me the opportunity to pause and think about what I am doing.

Now I have all the things in place. By doing the above, I have also found confidence and the feeling that my goal is attainable. But there is one more thing, and probably the most important. It’s is the ability to turn this plan into an adventure. If this goal is attainable but not fun, will I really stick to it? If I am honest, the answer is no. So how do we add a little fun into it? Here are a few of my ideas…

  1. Cash back apps. There are a million out there! I personally use “get upside”, “rakuten”, and “coinout” but there really are so many to choose from.
  2. Memberships! There are so many loyalty programs out there. Making your money work for you can be fun AND rewarding
  3. Piggy banks. Yep, an old fashioned piggy bank. It is rewarding to see the piles of change add up and then there is a little fun for a rainy day. I personally have always had a piggy bank and from time to time have cracked it open for a fun day.
  4. Creative meal planning. There are do many ways to save money with a little creative cooking. Take a look in your pantry and have fun with some recipes that may not be traditional, but they do help to clear out the pantry and freezer and even maybe spark your creative side.

I hope this helps someone else as I know it has helped me to organize my thoughts and really formulate my plan for the next thirty days. If you are out there planning a budget, tightening belts or just having to cut back, I wish you the best of luck. Many times circumstances are not as we would hope, but that doesn’t mean it is a dismal time. It simply provides us an opportunity to turn things around and add a little fun challenge to life.

This may not sound like an adventure in the traditional sense, but with all of the above combined, it will consume your time and energy and you will soon find yourself immersed into the goal of charging forward and even find yourself new ways to cut corners. Maybe even include your friends in the journey, after all, a family style meal is more fun than dining alone. Maybe a potluck meal? Also, shopping together for groceries is certainly more fun than doing it alone. Maybe make it a community effort and all the while focusing on your cost savings to reach your end goal. Also, at the finish line… smash that piggy bank and do something unplanned and fun! Afterall, you deserve it!

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Facing your past to better your future

OK friends, Our pasts are in our past for a reason, but I hate to break it to you…. sometimes it is very necessary to revisit them. Open the history books and re-read a few chapters to be able to digest it properly in order to charge forward. This is NOT always a bad thing. Hear me out.

This is my belief and you do not have to co-sign it or agree. As my dad always said pinions are like butt-holes (not exactly the word he used, but you get the idea). We all have them and they are worth exactly what you pay for them, which is nothing. So here is mine. Take it, or leave it.

First, imagine a car. There is a LARGE windshield and a MUCH smaller rear view mirror. Both are necessary for driving. I will agree, using the rear view mirror is optional, but it does help in many cases. The windshield is your future. The rear view mirror is your past. You always look forward through the windshield and you occasionally glance into the rear view mirror. YOU are the driver and you are the present. The here and now in your life. (WOW, what a metaphor).

Recently, I explored my past to deal with some issues that were holding me back with moving forward with my marriage and being there for my family. In doing so, I now have a much better relationship with my husband and I feel like I am able to be there for my children and grandchildren where I was previously more withdrawn personally (though they may not have been aware). I had not faced things that had occurred in my younger years. I simply swept them under the rug and kept charging forward with life pushing them and the memories attached to them “under the rug” hoping to pile more (and hopefully better) life memories on top of them. My friends, this does not always work. There are triggers in life that let the ugly memories of the past pop right back up.

As life moved on, Other situations have presented themselves. Other people have come into my life and shall remain nameless. These people also have had to face their pasts. In their situations it was to help those they love move forward in similar situations (not exact) to their own. It was to help them understand they are not alone in their situation and also to help them cope and learn. To stop a cycle, to get them to a better place in life, to love them through a transition, to keep them safe and to comfort them.

The moral of this story is to share with you that our pasts are there to learn from. To not only to help us grow, but also to pass on and to help others maybe not make the same mistakes. Our pasts are not a judgements of who we are. The things that “happen to us” as children are not our fault. Children cannot be held responsible for the decisions adults make, do not beat yourself up for anything that has happened to you as a child, that does NOT make you any less of a person. If anything, it makes you stronger because you have survived. The choices that we make as young adults may very well be our fault, but s*#t happens and life MUST go on.

As parents and grandparents, looking at our pasts and sharing the growth we have and the lessons (not the details) from those experiences allow us to be human and real in the eyes of “Tiny Humans” who may see us as super hero parents. Sometimes, these little people need to see that. They struggle too.

It’s ok to have a past that may not have been so perfect. It’s in the past and it cannot hurt us. The past made us the fabulous, strong, resilient people we are today. The past has taught us to survive, taught us to prevail, taught us to fight, to stand up if we have fallen, dust ourselves up and charge forward again.

It is important to remember, the rear view mirror is small for a reason. It is NOT meant to be stared into. It is meant only for a glance. The wind shield is large for a reason as well. It is meant to remind us to see far far into the future. On a country road, you can see for miles. You are only limited to what you set your own limits to.

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When life gets in the way of your regularly scheduled program…

We will now return to your regularly scheduled program….. Hi friends and family! It’s me! Mrs. Go To Girl! I know, It’s been a hot minute since I’ve posted a blog so here I am being real about life.

My life has gotten in the way of my regularly scheduled program. My kids, my husband, my family and friends will all tell you I am a control freak. Yes, I do live by the seat of my pants when it comes to “ME”. But, when it comes to “them”, I usually plan the day-to-day life stuff down to the wire. The breakfast, lunch, dinner, homework, weekend activities, etc…. all planned. Who is going where? Who will be in town, and who is scheduled to leave? What bills are getting paid? What laundry needs to be done for which uniform or activity? All of it, carefully orchestrated like a magical symphony to keep a busy and active family running smoothly with very few hiccups.

But my life….. HA! Total train wreck on any given day. MY sister has always found this incredibly amusing. In my life and the careers I have had I have very literally planner large scale events to include thousands of people and they have gone off without a hitch, but can’t manage to schedule my own hair appointment and can manage to forget a prescription refill for two weeks past the due date! I am that lady who sees the blinking gas light and passes three gas stations before stopping for gas. Why do we do these things?

So here I am asking for your forgiveness in being remiss on staying on top of my blog posts. I will get back to enlightening you with my little quips and silly tips and tricks and thoughts on the world once again if you wish to read them. We shall return to the “regularly schedule program” as they say.

It’s funny how life get’s in the way. I suppose that’s a good thing from time to time. I think it means we are alive and living in the moment. I for one, know I do plan too much and need to embrace more adventures. Those who love me do joke about my “Grandma Adventures”, but I love the ones I get to take the kids on and I know one day they will out grow them so I want to soak them up while I still can.

Recently I have been so overwhelmed with life that even my husband noticed and he literally said “let it go”. So this is what I am attempting to do. I hope you will embrace this new choice with me. Yes I want my family to be healthy, make good choices, use good manners, be educated, and go far in life, but not at all costs. I most of all want them to be happy. Live in the moment. I want to lead by example. And this, I need to remember.

Have a happy day!

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Resolutions… Let’s lighten them up

We all have the best intentions when we make resolutions. Go to the gym more, eat better, get to sleep earlier, wake up earlier, make more time for family, save more money, even invest in the future. Almost every year they are the same. This year I want to put a little spin on our New Year’s resolution list and add some humor. Below is a list of some pretty hysterical (and maybe a little honest) resolutions to tickle your funny bone and start your New Year off with a smile!

  1. This year I will complete my New Year Resolution list I made in 2009!
  2. Not to go to the gym on a day that ends in Y
  3. I will do less laundry and use more deodorant
  4. I will remember my password because it makes the IT department angry every time I ask them to reset it.
  5. I will no longer consider an apple martini part of my daily fruit intake
  6. This year I will actually maybe kind of sort of eat better.

Enjoy!

By the way… when in doubt, January is a practice month and you can always start again in February! Wishing everyone a safe and very fun 2019! Always remember to laugh at yourself first! Life is short, don’t take it to seriously, no one gets out alive!

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Need a a little giggle?

I love to send corny jokes to my kids randomly. They are absolutely silly and usually completely random, but I know that they make my kids laugh inside, usually smile and they almost roll they eyes and say “oh mom!”. It’s the best. If nothing else, it makes me smile just to send them. I thought I would share some of these silly little snippets with you in case you find it in your heart to send a random message to your loved ones today…. just because. I promise, making someone “LOL” for no reason at all is the best!

Here are a few….

  1. How do you make a tissue dance? (Put a little boogie in it)
  2. Why is 6 scared of 7? (Because 7 8 9)
  3. Why do some fish live in salt water? (Because pepper would make them sneeze)
  4. Where do bees go to the bathroom? (The BP station)
  5. Why did the picture have to go to prison? (It was framed)
  6. Why is it impossible for your nose to be 12 inches long? (Because then it would be a foot)
  7. Why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher? (There was no chemistry)
  8. Why do the French like to eat snails? (They don’t like fast food)
  9. Why is it a bad idea to insult an Octopus? (Because it is well-armed)
  10. Why do cows wear bells? (Their horns don’t work)

I know this post is a bit corny, but who can’t use to be a little silly now and again. In today’s world we could all stand to lighten up and just laugh. Pass these along to someone in need of a smile instead of a frown and in case I haven’t mentioned it lately… Have a Happy day!

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A unique gift idea…. Family Adventures

Last year my husband and I were at a loss as to what to get our youngest son and his wife.  They are very handy and very busy with two kids, jobs, and home projects.  After watching their busy lives all year we came up with a unique gift idea.  

A family adventure album.  We bought a cute little scrapbook and filled that pages with gift certificates to all sorts of places.  The pages were filled with family fun (and date night) ideas.  Once we decided on the plan for the book, we went shopping… on-line and to the gift card aisle.  Yep, it was a book of pre-purchased family adventures.  Everything from a trip to the zoo, movie tickets,  to ice cream nights (gift certificate for Dairy Queen), beach days (complete with gift certs to subway for lunches). On the trips that would take them a distance to get to, we added in gas cards.  After all the point of this gift was not to add financial strain of accomplishing these adventures, but to make these things easy and obtainable for this kids (and gran kids) to do. This book was filled with all sorts of adventures from bowling to mini-golf to go kart racing.  

To come up with ideas we scoured the internet to check out our local city and find fun interesting places to go.  We also googled”date night” ideas to ensure they could enjoy time together without the kids.  If you are thinking of giving a gift such as this, don’t forget the handmade gift certificates that include babysitting.  It was a fun gift to make and a great way to get to know the city we live in.  

I hope you think of a gift like this (or any variation of it) when you are planning your next celebration.  

A twist on this concept is “Your year in review”.  Make a scrapbook for your loved ones of their past year.  This is a great idea for the little ones in your life.  You can give it to them on each birthday as a memory of what they have accomplished in the past year.  On the last page of the album make a list of that child’s goals for next year.  This makes an amazing keepsake and helps each child accomplish things each year.  Have fun!  Happy gift giving!

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Give the gift of time…

What do you get your kids as they get older?  What do you give your spouse as the years pass on?  What about grand kids when there are so many?  Start a tradition in your family of giving the gift of time.  

My mother has done this each year with my sister and I.  Every Christmas we get a handmade gift certificate wrapped up that simply states, Good for one day with mom.  The certificate is valid for one day and is to be used sometimes in the next calendar year.  This is one of the best gifts because it ensures you get one full day without other family members, without other distractions, and you get to really enjoy the time with each other.

What do we do on these “Mom Days”?  Good question.  When we were smaller they could be anything from a nice lunch out, a beach day, or even just a fun day playing board games or cards.  As we have gotten older, we have taken advantage of these days by trying new things, getting out of our comfort zones, or just being young again.  My mom and I have taken a seq-way tour through a different city just an hour or two away.  We have gone zip-lining, gone to a hockey game, even gone to see a psychic.  

The point is, these special days can be shared with anyone who could use a break in life throughout the year.  If you have busy schedules, giving this gift to your spouse could be worth its weight in gold.  Take time out of your calendars this year and remember to enjoy the day or days with loved ones.  You only get one chance at this life and you can’t take the “stuff” with you, so make memories together and experience all this wonderful world has to offer.  

Note:  If you decide to give this gift to a special someone this year, make it a tradition and do it every year.  Make a point to try something new, take a trip on a tankful, or spend the day without the distraction of cell phones or electronics.  

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Schedule “Me Time”

It happens to the best of us, life gets busy and as our schedules and “to do” lists get longer and busier, the time we take for ourselves tends to disappear.  We feel like if we take time for ourselves we are neglecting our family, acting selfishly, or neglecting our responsibilities.  This could not be further from the truth. Life is noisy.  Life is busy.  Life takes up so much of our energy.  It’s understandable that every individual has different work situations that are unique to their field, but it important to remember that you don’t live to work. Sometimes, putting aside time for yourself may even prove to be the ideal catalyst to liberating yourself from all the struggles that are suffocating you.  

Let’s take a look at what happens when we don’t take time for ourselves and some suggestions on how to avoid or change this situation:

  1. Mental and Physical Exhaustion: people may experience mental fatigue, insomnia, confusion, poor concentration, depression, anxiety, and increased irritability when they do not take time to take care of themselves. Just like we need sleep, we need time out. 
  2. Resentments and anger build up: 
    The lack of time to yourself can cause you to build up resentments that can harm both you and your relationships. When you spend all your time filling other people’s cups, it’s likely yours will run empty. Sometimes, especially when we’re tired, we may become angry about giving so much. 
  3. Poor self-esteem develops:   
    Self-care and self-love are very much connected.  If we truly love and care about ourselves, we would make the time to care for both our physical health and mental health.  Sometimes a reluctance to make time for self-care can go deeper, to issues of self-worth and self-love.

Here is a quick list of ways to improve your “me time” and take better care of yourself on a daily basis:

  1. Schedule it! – Make a meeting with yourself daily or weekly depending on the content of the meeting.  Do you need a daily reprieve, or do you want to schedule an hour or two for a mani/pedi, exercise, or just to sit by the pool and read?  
  2. Make it count! – Don’t just “schedule” ten minutes a day or quiet time, make it quality time.  Just as you would give your newborn child your undivided attention, you deserve your attention too!
  3. Delegate tasks! – don’t let life get in the way.  Don’t get bogged down with a long list of “to do’s”  
  4. Check your e-mail and social media feeds at delegated times – Are you attached at the hip to your smart phone?  Put it down and schedule times that you will pick it up and review the latest updates.  
  5. Take 5! – Whenever you start to get overwhelmed or feel anxious, take 5 minutes to step outside and take a deep breath.  Walk around your office or work space.  there is no harm in taking 5 minutes to regroup.
  6. Say no with dignity an grace – You do not have to accept every invitation to get together or take on every task given to you.  Do not take on more than you can handle, and really take a long hard look at what you can realistically handle.  Unless you are wearing a cape and tights, I’m pretty sure you are not a super hero.  
  7. Shower time is “your time” – This is one of the few times in your day that you can guarantee peace and quiet.  Take advantage of it.  
    Purchase some aroma therapy products that you love and treat each shower like it is a spa getaway. Take some deep breaths and let the warm water wash away any tension that you were having.
  8. Take the long way home – no matter how you get o and from work or your daily activity, take the scenic route and enjoy a little peace and quiet before switching gears to family and kids and responsibilities.  

Keep in mind that carving out time for yourself is vital for keeping yourself healthy, and that means a happier family and more productive work and school life.

This blog posts was written in honor of my sister.  She takes on the world everyday.  She is strong, beautiful, smart, giving and many times forgets to take care of herself. 

Live happily,   Mrs. Go To Girl

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Forgive and grow…

So often we hold grudges or let the things that upset us on one day carry over into the next day, week, or even longer.  I have learned a few things in life that are very important lessons:

  1. Forgiveness is for us, not them
  2. Holding onto anger only hurts us, not them
  3. Negativity blocks personal growth

These lessons have helped me in so many ways and I want to take a moment to share them with you.   In life I have learned to make amends with people that I have hurt or wronged and forgive those who hurt me.  In an article written by the Mayo Clinic forgiveness is clearly outlined as to what it is and how to practice this.  

“Forgiveness means different things to different people. Generally, however, it involves a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge.

The act that hurt or offended you might always be with you, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help free you from the control of the person who harmed you. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or excusing the harm done to you or making up with the person who caused the harm. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life.”

There are important things to remember.  Forgiveness doesn’t guarantee reconciliation and it doesn’t guarantee a change in the person you are forgiving.  What it does do is allow you to move forward in your own life.  It keeps this particular issue from creeping into other relationships.  It releases you from the anger and bitterness you hold within when carrying a grudge or resentment.  

So how do you “Forgive” someone?  As defined by the mayo clinic, forgiveness is a commitment to a personalized process of change.”  To do reach this state of mind there are several things you can do: :
  • Recognize the value of forgiveness 
  • Identify what needs healing, who needs to be forgiven and for what
  • Consider seeking outside help to move forward (counseling)
  • Acknowledge your emotions and work to release them
  • Choose to forgive  – it is a choice and a conscious decision
  • Move away from your role as victim – the person who has hurt or offended you does not control you or your emotions. 

I have learned that no one can MAKE me feel sad or angry just as no one can MAKE me feel happy.  These are choices.  When I was a child and became angry or upset or even sad my mother would ask me to make a decision.  She asked me to decide how long I wanted to feel that way.  Maybe I wanted to be angry for an hour or even a day.  Maybe I wanted to be sad for a few days.  Either way, she would help me to set the time limit and at the end of the time limit, she would remind me of my decision to only be upset for the period of time and now I can choose a new feeling.  This process has helped me so often in life.  There are things I WANT to be upset about because I am not ready to process them and let go, but I realize I am only hurting myself. 

Much like any addition we have, we use our feelings or substitute our feelings for actions such as drinking or something else.  I learned that my addiction only allowed me to hide from my thoughts or feelings, but never made them go away and usually made them worse once the substance I used wore off.  Facing my feelings and the issues I faced head on was much easier in the long run.

Many times our closest family and friends can cause us the most concern or worry.  We love them the most and as humans we “want what we want” but cannot control what others do or say.  So here we are with confused feelings that can lead to hurt relationships with those we love the most. 

With forgiveness also comes acceptance.  Forgiving someone also means you must accept that they are who they are and your forgiveness doesn’t require them to apologize or even change.    That’s ok.  Just remember if the person’s actions or words do not change, you are not required to keep them in your inner circle or even in your life.  

Choosing to allow someone in your “world” is a choice only YOU can make.  Not making a choice to change, walk away, or allow continued behavior is still a choice.  You are responsible for yourself.  

Love, Happiness, Joy, Anger, Hurt, or sadness are all things you have the ability to control and you can choose to feel these things or not.  

As you let go of grudges, you’ll no longer define your life by how you’ve been hurt. You might even find compassion and understanding.

In the end, you have the ability to forgive.  You have the ability to change yourself and your own actions.  We all deserve good days and happiness in our lives, but these are things we must decide to obtain.  

 

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Learning to let go

Learning to let go is a hard lesson to learn but oh so important.  So often we get bogged down with a mile long list of “to do’s” and follow that with a busy schedule, a long list of people (friends and family) that crown our minds with their own issues and you have the perfect recipe for anxiety, stress, and an overall sense of doom if you’re not careful.

It happens to the best of us and far too often.  We let our inbox fill up and sit there staring at it not even sure where to start.  This is where “letting go” comes into play.  I have two thoughts to share with you:

  1. My dad always told me that even after you are dead and gone, people will still put things in your “inbox”, the trick is to focus on what is important and don’t worry about all the small stuff.
  2. There is only one way to eat an elephant and that is one bite at a time.  Even when your lists of things to do and places to be pile up…. in the end you can only be one place at a time and do one thing at a time.  Sure there is the novel idea of multi-tasking, but a task done right deserves your full attention.

So where does this leave us?  Yep….  sorting through our mess and figuring out what to let go of.  We can’t do it all and we can’t be everywhere all the time.  You know I love lists and here is your turn to make your own.  There are two lists that you need:

  1. List of priorities in life
  2. Current list of things to do (this is a daily list)

The first list (Priorities) is the most important and will help you keep perspective when making your daily list.  The priorities list is one that stays fairly constant and only changes when major life events happen.  (The birth of a child, a marriage, a divorce, or even a death).  This is a list of who, what and where your personal priorities are.  I will give you an example of my list to kick off your thought process (This is by no means the same list you will have, but you get the idea).

  1. My Sobriety
  2. God
  3. My family
  4. My job
  5. …… this list can go on, but the first four are the most important to me.

The order you make the list is also important.  As you can see from my list, my sobriety is #1 on the list.  I am currently 15 1/2 years sober.  God willing, I will be 16 years sober and counting.  This is a choice I have made in my life and live this choice one day at a time.  It is at the top of the list because without it, I lose sight of my faith, crush and ruin my family and will ultimately lose my job.  #2 on my list is God.  For me a solid faith in a Higher Power comes before my family.  Without my faith in God and the ability to trust in him, I fall to pieces.  Faith can move mountains and my life is proof of that.  #3 is my family.  My husband, my children, my grandchildren, my parents and siblings.  I am blessed with an enormous, loving family.  It is my priority to show up and be present for them.  They are my rock when I waiver in various areas of my life and they keep me grounded.  Finally, my job is on the list.  I work to live, I do not live to work.  I need to place importance on my job in order to provide support to my family and to be an active member of society.

This is just an example of a list (that happens to be mine).  With this list in place, I can build my daily “to do” list.  It is a daily activity because as we all know, life throws us curve-balls all the time.  The order of this list, the contents, and the length of the list changes daily.  It is supposed to.  IF it was always the same, I fear we would lead very boring lives.  Here is an example of my “to do” list:

  1. Exercise – usually done first thing in the morning, but a daily goal for my physical and mental health
  2. Get my grandson ready for school – I have made a commitment to my family to be the best mom / grandma possible and helping this little guy out is very important to me.
  3. Work (Work has it’s own “To Do” list of course, but I try to keep that list confined to the hours spent at the office.)
  4. Spend time with my husband – He and I have completely different schedules when it comes to work and this keeps us missing each other if we aren’t careful.  When I married this man, in my wedding vows I promised to make him a priority in my life.  I keep this promise by making sure he is on my daily list.  Even if it is a simple shared cup of coffee or a walk on the beach holding his hand, that is very special quality time.
  5. ….. this list can go on, but you get he point.

Sometimes there are other task involved.  Do I need to call the doctor and make an appointment?  Do I need to stop by the store on may home and pick up groceries? Do I need to go to a meting in the evening or do I have plans to meet up with a friend?  All of these go on the list and the list is ever changing.

Once my lists are complete, the next thing to do is step back and take a look at the size of my “elephant”.  The only way to get things marked off my list is to put the list in order and then ready set go!  One thing at a time.  One task, one errand, one little tiny goal to be accomplished.

Sometimes life can feels like it is only tiny goals and the milestones are never hit.  When that feeling creeps in and your lists begin to overwhelm you that is when it is time to take a step back.  DO a little inventory of your life over the past month, year, or several years.  See where you have made major progress and take time to celebrate.  The little voices in our heads can so easily get us down on ourselves.  Are you climbing the corporate ladder fast enough? Are you the best mom or dad you can be?  Are you keeping up with bills and chores?  When stepping back to look at life for a brief moment, realize a few things….  your lights are on, your able to keep warm when it’s cold out, you’re able to reach out to your family when you need to, you’re able to eat a good meal or even enjoy a fun time with friends.  This must mean you are doing things right.  Do you have a place to lay your head at night?  You did that (by working, paying bills, and being present in life).  Do you have people who love you?  You did that (by being present in their lives too when they needed you).  I could step back at your life and tell you how wonderful it is, but that isn’t what you need.  You need to give yourself a pat on the back for making the good decisions that got you to the age you are.  A little hug now and then for not giving up. Trust me, giving up may many times seem like the easiest thing to do, but don’t give up before the miracles happen.  You will miss out on the most beautiful thing yet to come.

I will close with this…  When your list is long and life seems overwhelming, break it down.  If the lawn doesn’t get owed today, it will be there tomorrow and maybe then your list will be shorter.  Base your daily list on your priorities list.  For me, it is a gut check on the strength of my sobriety.  It is a moment to pray and thank God for his blessings and ask for his will in my life.  It is a call to my kids and a stolen glance with my husband even on the busiest of days.  These are the top three things on my list.  The rest is just “stuff”.

Written With Love,

Mrs. Go To Girl

 

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Change your mood by adding some color

Did you know colors could affect your moods, feelings and behavior?  There have been many studies done on how exactly colors can affect us and of course, you must take into account your personal culture and experiences.  There is a great article found on www.verywell.com about this very subject where the psychological effects of color are examined.

To keep it simple, think of your own life situations.  Does the color blue make you think of calm and cool things?  Does the color red trigger a sense of urgency or excitement?  Have you heard the saying “Green with Envy”?  Either try adding colors into your décor at home or work to adjust your moods.  This little “life hack” can also be used in the business world for marketing purposes.

How do people respond to different colors? Take a look at the list of colors below and possible effects and reactions:

Black: Used in fashion as a slimming quality and with formal wear.  Is associated with death or mourning.  It is associated with villains and evil characters in films.

White: Many people associate white with purity or innocence.  Bride wear white as do small children for religious ceremonies.  It is also associated with being sterile, clean, and adding space.

Red: Red evokes a lot of emotion.  It is associated with love, power, anger, and intensity.  In fashion, it is usually a bold statement of confidence and self-acceptance.

Blue: In general, blue provides a calm serene feeling.  It can even make you feel a cooler temperature at times when used in décor.  It also represents sadness as an emotion.

Green: Green symbolizes nature and health.  IT also symbolizes luck, money and jealousy.  It is thought to relieve stress, be a sign of fertility and growth.

Yellow: This color is bright, cheery and warm but can be the most exhausting due to its brilliance of color.  Yellow can increase metabolism as it increases your energy level but can also increase your frustration levels.  It is a very attention grabbing color.

Purple: A sign of wealth and royalty due to it being hard to find in natural settings and frequently requiring dyes and a great deal of effort to obtain the color.  This color is often perceived as mysterious and even spiritual.

Brown: Brown is a sign of strength, reliability, security, and safety.  Brown can bring to mind conventional and natural dispositions.

 

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Positive reinforcement, Structure and Smiles

I am a huge fan of positive thoughts and positive vibes and if you know me, than you know this to be very very true.  It is so very easy to let our heads lead us to negative self-talk and we can let ourselves get down in the dumps, we don’t need help from anyone else.  I wanted to take a minute to talk about Positive reinforcement and then follow it up with the importance of structure for the little people in our lives.    When we are little this is when we are finding our identities and building our self-esteem and figuring out who we are.  We learn how to dress, how to match our clothes, how to get ready in the morning , how to do our chores, learn that we need to go to school, and how to be responsible for ourselves, for our pets, and eventually for others.  These are all very important lessons.  If we as adults are constantly speaking in negative tones or punishing kids rather than building them up, how are we helping them?  Of course there are consequences and of course we need to teach the concept of consequences, but we also need to teach the concept of rewards.  If you go to work, you get a paycheck.  If you work harder and faster, you get bonuses, earn promotions, and get ahead in life.  Why should we not teach our children this part of life in addition to teaching them that if they do not follow thru on their responsibilities, they will not reach their goals (not earn their paychecks i.e., play time).

Positive reinforcement is defined as the process of encouraging or establishing a pattern of behavior by offering reward when the behavior is exhibited.  Rather than saying “If you don’t do “this”, than “this” will happen.  It is just as easier and a positive approach to say; “If you complete “this”, “this” will happen.  It is the exact same approach but rather than enforcing a fearful or negative approach to a child, you encourage a child to work hard to gain reward.  During their work process, they are happier and eager to please rather than scared and unfocused on the task at hand.

It is not always easy to take the higher road and be cheerful and positive.  We all get frustrated and at the end of the day we have all lost out temper.  I think the take away is to remember we are trying to raise little people to big people who will in turn one day  contribute to society.   Looking around in today’s society, there is a lot of negativity.  If we can contribute to the little people of today by enlightening them in a more positive manner to make this world a better place.  By helping hem to make good choices, to make calmer choices, to think things through and not always rule with an iron fist than we have all done our jobs.

When we were children, we did not have to worry about kids bringing guns to school, we were able to play outside safely and ride our bikes without helmets, drink from a garden hose without worry.  We ate dinner together as a family, we watched Saturday morning cartoons,  went on family trips together.  If you are a single mom, blended family, large family or mixed family of all ages, it doesn’t matter.  Love each other and do you very best.  You are each other’s biggest cheerleaders.  Be a team.

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Stand tall with grace (part 1 of 2)

I warn you in advance, this is a long blog.  In fact I’m going to write it in two parts, so I hope you stick around for both segments.

PART ONE:

I have a few things I am crazy-passionate about:

1. Paying It forward (Hold the door for the next in line, smile at a stranger for no reason, pay for the person behind you in line because you can, doing a random act of kindness expecting nothing in return).

2. Keeping a balance in life (saving vs spending, eating healthy vs splurging on my favorite foods, keeping enough positive thoughts in my head to keep the negative self-talk at bay)

3. Having fun at everything you do (You only get one chance at life, don’t be held back by your fears.  It is your fear that keeps you from even knowing what you are missing.  Take a leap of faith)

4. Loving my family with every fiber of my being.  My family are “my people” .  The consists of blood and non-blood relatives.  Some by marriage, some by adoptions and some by many years of love laughter and tears that has made them mean more to me than any birth-right ever could.  These people in my inner circle of life keep me ground and still encourage me to keep my free spirit flying happily with the angels in the clouds.  I need them.

5. My faith in God.  I am a Christian Woman.  To me that is a very beautiful and bold statement and one that I am most proud of.  I have accepted Jesus Christ as my savior and have placed my eternal faith in him forever.  I have experienced many miracles big and small, in my life and have no doubt there is a power greater than myself at work lighting my path.  Without him there is no doubt in my mind I would not be here today. I am stubborn and hard headed and I some times need a giant blinking neon sign to fall on me to hear God’s word, but it is there everyday of my life.  All I need to do is be still and listen.

There are many other things in life I love and have passion for and want to share with the world, but the above 5 are the key ingredients to may life.  Now with that said, I want to tell you why these things are so important o mention.

As we start out in  life we fall down and get bumps and bruises on our knees.  Our moms and dad help us up and brush us off and send us back on our way hoping we learn from whatever caused the bump in the first place.  Maybe don’t run so fast on the wet grass, maybe don’t hit the brakes on our bikes as we try to jump the speed bump.  These are lessons we only need to learn once.  The scrape or bump hurts, but heals and we move on with no major scars.  But what about the bigger bumps and bruises.  The ones that happen to our hearts or egos.  Hope fully we are old enough and have a solid enough foundation to handle them as they come at us, but this isn’t always the case and then the scars form.  After time, scar tissue gets thicker and bigger until what’s underneath (our child-like heart and ego) is hidden and our true, genuine self seems to have dissipated.  The truth, it isn’t gone at all.  Just covered up by the jaded experiences of our lives and we have to learn how to uncover them in a healthy manner so that we to can be the strong mommy or daddy to help our next generation dust off and get back up when they fall.  It is a never ending circle.  In the beginning others are responsible for us, but along the way there is a shift and we become responsible for ourselves.  How was fall and how we get up, but also how we heal and move forward.

As I sit here today, an adult, a woman, a daughter, a sister, a mother, a grandmother, a wife, a niece, and a granddaughter; I think about the way I fall, the way I get up and how I move forward each day.  The 5 things I’m passionate about have become my foundation on which I choose to fall.  I run toward them, striving to help them grow stronger.  I fall back on them knowing they are there for me because I have nurtured them along the way, and I bask in the enjoyment of them when I just need a little time for myself to reset and regain my balance.

 

 

 

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Do you make every penny count?

As you know by know I am a HUGE advocate for paying it forward AND for making every penny count.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m a woman who likes to shop and loves a bargain so I’m always on the hunt.  I wanted to take a minute and chat about reward programs, opportunities to save and opportunities to pay it forward.

In today’s day and age there are a million ways to cut costs and the majority of us could use a leg up in this area.  Here is a list of reward programs that I have found helpful.

  1. Digital Coupons – many grocery stores and pharmacy stores have a reward program or on-line membership (free of charge) and linked to those programs is a digital coupon option.  If you make it a habit of logging onto those sites once a week and digitally “clip” the coupons to your account, you have an opportunity for potential savings you may have missed.  Here is an example.  I frequently shop at Publix and Walgreens for various items.  Once a week I jump on-line and click on as many coupons as the program allows.  I may or may not use them all, but if they are in my account (linked to my phone number) all I have to do at check out is enter in my phone number and any applicable coupons are applied instantly.
  2. Ebates – If you have not signed up yet, you are missing out!  If you do any on-line shopping this is a great program to be a part of.  It costs nothing to join and you are rewarded with cash back when you shop.  There are tons of stores linked to the program and there is even an option for in-store shopping if you choose to link your credit cards.  To date, I have received over $130 back for shopping I was already planning on doing.
  3. Piggy Bank – This is another app.  As you are browsing on line, if you have signed up for the piggy bank on your phone or computer, it will pop up and let you know if coupons are available or cash back is available.

This brings me to paying it forward.  How many times have had loose change rolling around the bottom of our purses or the floor of our cars?  How many times have you found a couple of bucks in the washer or dryer?  These are all signs that we are not as careful with our money as we think.  Sure, we are penny pinchers when it comes to larger purchases or even something that may be $5 vs $1.  But what about all the unused change?  My point here is that the next time someone at the check out counter asks if you want to “round-up” for a charity, say yes.  Think of all the times you have foolishly spent money and here is an opportunity glaring you in the face to share forty cents with someone in need.

Are you an Amazon shopper?  I am for sure!  I am convinced they have everything!  I am proud to say I am now an Amazon Smile shopper.  What’s the difference?  Well if you log into http://www.amazon.com you are shopping at amazon without the opportunity to help the charity of your choice with proceeds from your purchase.  If you shop at http://www.smile.amazon.com you can create a profile and select the charity of your choice to help.  As you shop you will notice various items are  “Eligible for AmazonSmile donation”.  If you choose these items, The AmazonSmile Foundation will donate 0.5% of the purchase price from your eligible AmazonSmile purchases. How great is that?  Same shopping, and you are helping the cause of your choice.

There you have it a little saving and a little donating.  Keeping balance in every aspect of our lives is so very important.  A good level headed perspective is what keeps us all moving in a positive direction.  As I have said before.  It is a great place to be when your feet are firmly planted on the ground and your head is happily in the clouds.

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Find your tribe, love them hard

I am a huge fan of “Family” quotes.  I wanted to take a moment and share some with you.  To me, family is everything.  It is the foundation that built me, the love that has shaped me and the rock on which I can always fall back on.  Throughout my life I have watched my family evolve into what is the most precious thing I have to date.

  • Family – Where life begins and love never ends
  • The love of a family is life’s greatest blessing
  • Family – We may not have it all together, but we have it all
  • Family is not about blood, it is about who is willing to hold your hand when you need it the most
  • Family is family, whether it’s the one you start out with, the one you end up with, or the family you gain along the way.

I suggest you take a moment and draw your family tree.  You may be surprised to see the list of parents, cousins, nieces, nephews, etc. that are there.  If your family is small, try adding leaves to your tree that include your complete tribe.  Do you have a family friend that has been like a sister or aunt to you?  Do you have a best friend that has helped you raise your children?  They are all leaves on our trees.

When you get a moment, send a note to your tribe and let them know what they mean to you.  Here are my little notes:

To my parents: “Thank you for teaching me to eat with a fork, to wipe my own butt, to get up when I fell down and to laugh so hard my belly hurts.  Thank you for teaching me that this life is a beautiful gift and then telling me to go live it”

To my sons: “You may not have the same eyes or smile as me, but from the very first moment, you had my heart.”

To my grandchildren: “Trying to explain how much I love my Grandkids is like trying to count the stars”

To my cousins: “God made us all cousins because he knew our parents couldn’t handle us as siblings.”   Thank you for being my first playmates and now my greatest friends.

To my extended family: “Family is much more than a word – It’s a feeling of warmth and love that neither time nor distance can change.”  Thank you for always being on the other end of the phone, a text, or an e-mail.

To my husband: “You are my forever and always”.  God knew what he was doing when our paths crossed.  There is no one more patient, loving, understanding, strong, or crazy than you.

To my friends (Both near and far): “Friends go like waves on the ocean, but the true ones stay like an octopus on your face”  Hahahaha…  and this is why we are friends!

 

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“Date Night” on a dime

So many times we lose track of what is important and that is ourselves and our relationships.  We focus on the day to day of work, house-keeping, kids schedules and more.  Here are a few fun options for an unscheduled date night on a limited budget.  We all have the excuses of no time, no money,  too busy.  Hopefully you will be able to keep this list handy and stop from time to time to enjoy life.

  1. Movie night – pull out the blankets and pillows.  Pop some popcorn and have a movie night.  Make it fun with a theme and watch a series of movies. As days pass by, build your DVR list with movies that are coming up or pick-up the DVD’s on sale at your local store for date nights like this.
  2. A walk in the park – So many parks have benches, exercise activities, play grounds, and trails.  Make the most of all of them.  If you haven’t tried Geocaching yet, give it a try too.  Fun and free time for the whole family.
  3. Go for a swim – Put on a bathing suit and take a swim.  Find a pool, a beach, a lake or a river.  If you are able, get a tube or float and relax or rent a kayak or paddleboard and get some exercise.
  4. Have a campfire – You can use a fire pit, or find a place for a bonfire (safety first of course).  Make s’mores, tell stories, or just listen to the crackle of the fire under the stars.
  5. Build a snowman – Put on some warm clothes and build a snowman, make snow angels, or have a snowball fight.
  6. Pick fruit at a local farm – Find a local strawberry farm or blueberry farm and spend the day picking fruit.  At the close of the day bake a pie or make a fun dessert together.
  7. Watch a sunset – Take a walk or sit on a porch somewhere and say good bye to the day with a loved one.
  8. Watch a sunrise – Get up early in the morning and fins a beach or great park and enjoy the start of a brand new day.  Take a thermos of coffee with you and some music or maybe a good book.
  9. Have a game night – When is the last time you played yahtzee? Monopoly? Candy Land? Clue? Scrabble?  Pick a night and pull out the games you loved as a kid or even as an adult.  You can do this with just two people or make an evening out of it with friends and family.
  10. Dance together – Get on spotify or youtube music and create a music list together of your favorite songs.  Keep it handy and when the mood strikes, dance with each other.  Dance in a park, in your living room, or in a restaurant.
  11. Go window shopping – Walk thru IKEA, or find a shopping mall.  Take some time to hold hands, people watch, day dream together about a DIY project or a future home.
  12. Get creative….  this list is just the tip of the iceberg.  Make and keep a list of ideas for those times when it is rainy, your broke, or your bored and check items off your list.
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Digital memory books (AKA E-mail)

Have a child in your home or one you are responsible for or assist in raising?  Create a digital memory book for them.  You can do this at any time in your child’s life (as a newborn, school age, heading off to college or the military, or as they have children of their own).

Create an e-mail account for them.  (I suggest doing this with a service that is tried and true, dependable).  I am not supporting one outlet over the other, but I prefer g-mail becuase I’m pretty sure Google will be around for a while.

Don’t give them the password for this account until you are ready to share with them the contents.  The purpose of the e-mail is to provide them with bits of advice, stories about themselves or their heritage, and other funny things that happen throughout their lifetime.  Keep this e-mail address to yourself or share it with your family and friends.

Anytime you experience a situation where words of wisdom have helped you, send an e-mail to this new account.  Family recipes, photos, etc. are all great things to share.  So many times we wait until we are older to ask our parents for stories of our childhood or of our heritage.  There will come a day when we leave this world and leave our children behind, this is a great way to create a memory book of sorts for them that they can rely on for years to follow.

Have you personally lost a parent or close relative or friend and later wanted to give them a call to ask a question or are sure that if they were here they would know the solution to a situation?  Take this “digital memory book” and use it to alleviate the pain of not being able to call years down the road.

I have lost my grandparents and a few other friends and relatives.  I wish they were here now to share all of their wisdom and wit with me.  Take advantage of your resources in today’s age and pass on some history wrapped up in love and good intentions.  Your child will cherish it later in life.

SIDE NOTE: Share the password with them at a turning point in their life.  When there are no words at the moment, but so many thoughts have come and gone.  A child heading off to college, or preparing for their own child are perfect times.

 

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Chore Charts – They work wonders!

I grew up with two sisters in my mother’s home.  We were all close in age and all very very different.  There were rules to follow of course, but my mom gave us chore charts.  She did this when I was little and again when my sisters and I were teens.  They were very different as they were age appropriate, but looking back they taught us to do our fair share and to take responsibility for ourselves.

As a little girl, my chore chart had the days of the week (I was learning those), and the chores that I was responsible for and capable of doing. (i.e., making my bed, picking up my room, putting my clothes in the dirty laundry hamper, etc.)  My sister and I shared the responsibility of laundry, cleaning our bathroom, dusting and vacuuming as we got older.  The chore chart faded away as the things we did became a habit and generally just expected.

As a teen, the chart came back into effect for dividing up chores and keeping us each accountable as individuals.  We had a calendar hanging in the kitchen with our initials on the days and order.  1, 2, 3, and repeat.  This was our dishes calendar.  If our name fell on the day, then we were responsible for doing dishes that night. (no question or hassle, it was there in black and white). NOTE: If our name fell on a day where we had a pre-planned social activity that kept us away at dinner time, the task of dishes fell to my mom, so she had her fair share of dishes nights too.)

As a young child, there were rewards for accomplishing all of my chores and doing them well.  Gold stars placed on my chart, a prize at the end of the week (this was either being able to stay up 30 minutes past my bedtime, or maybe watching a movie of my choice, or being able to have a friend over).  The consequences for not doing my chores were just as clear (i.e., no TV, no friends coming over, etc.)

These chores taught me to keep my home clean, to respect my property and that of others,  to be responsible for myself.  Don’t get me wrong, I did not have a difficult or challenging childhood, but my parents had rules and they had good reason for them.  Looking back I am so grateful they did.  I am the woman I am today because of them.  Things like washing the towels and sheets on your bed, vacuuming AND dusting, cleaning out your closet occasionally, are all random things we take for granted as an adult but should thank our parents for teaching them to us when we were young.  After all, they taught us to use a spoon, wipe our own tushes, and hopefully to take care of ourselves overall as were grew into successful independent adults.

If you have a little kiddo in your home, I hope you are teaching them to grow into fabulous independent adults.  The joy is equal in succeeding as an individual as it is to watching your child succeed, knowing you did a good job.

SIDE NOTE: I was an argumentative child at times.  I hated to be told no.  I would accept a choice or a reason, but the word “no” sent me through the roof many times.  These chore charts outlined exactly what was expected of me and decreased the arguments over all.  As I grew older I appreciated conversations with reasons and purpose rather than being “told what to do”.  Today as a result, I have a pretty solid foundation and open line of communication between myself and all of my parents.  (As I mentioned before, I have two step-parents that also raised me and I respect them as much as I respect my biological parents.)

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Do you have a bucket list and are you ticking things off?

When my mom turned 60, my sister and I asked her to create a “Bucket List”.  She laughed and responded, “I’m not dying!”  On the contrary, my mother is in impeccable health and will probably live well into her 90’s.

Our point in asking her was that she spent the majority of her life raising my sisters and I and now that we are grown doing well on our own with families of our own, we want to ensure she has and is ticking off items from her own “Bucket List”.  When tasked to make a list, she started small.  We went to a painting class, we took a segway tour around a city a few hours away, we went to a hockey game, and even zip-lining.  As she tried more of the things she had yet to explore we found that her list grew longer and more adventurous.  We have learned a lot about our mom, been able to experience great things with her and grown closer as adults.

In the past few years she has experienced her first concert and for this our cousins and husbands joined in the fun.  It was an amazing time.  This past year my sister and I had the pleasure of accompanying our mom on her first cruise.  The three of us traveled to Mexico where we ate authentic Mexican cuisine and went snorkeling in an underground river.

As she has added to her list and our adventures have grown, so has my personal bucket list.  I’ve discovered more of what I would like to do and where I would like to go along the way.

I challenge you to create your own bucket list and ask your family to do the same.  By writing it down and posting it you will not only discover your family’s dreams but also have a visual reminder of the things you can plan for and do.

This Saturday I will be skydiving for the first time in my life.  I’m terrified and excited all at once but as they say “You only life once” and I truly want to experience it all on my trip through life.

Enjoy your family, experience the world around you, and make memories everywhere you go.  Have a Happy Day!

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You are responsible for your own happiness

I learned a long time ago that no one can MAKE you happy or MAKE you sad.  You in fact are responsibly for your own happiness and the way you feel.  Now, don’t get up in arms so quickly, finish reading with an open mind before you come up with a hundred scenarios to try and prove this statement false.  Yes, there are many, many many situations that are very very sad, even tragic.  And there are many many situations that are so filled with joy is can bring tears to our eyes almost uncontrollably.  Now I ask you, do these feelings last?  Do they last five minutes? Five days? Five years?  Because if they do, than maybe I’m wrong, maybe these are the things that make us happy and sad.

What I mean when I say we are responsible for our own happiness is just that.  I allow what others say and do to affect me negatively or positively.  Take the birth of a child.  If my friend has a baby, I may be filled with joy for their new arrival.  I may be filled with jealousy over wanting a little bundle of joy.  I may be filled with concern over their ability to care for the child, or for the child’s well-being in general should there be an issue.  None of these are brought on by the mother or the children they are all in my head and in my heart and I choose to feel them and think them.

Recently I lost a friend due to alcoholism, liver failure to be exact.  I chose to not be filled with sorrow though I was very sad.  I choose to embrace his memory and his struggle and use it as an example of what alcohol can do.  Share his story and move forward.  I think I would have a good reason to be very sad for a good length of time considering the back story on my particular friend and the situation,  but again…. I am responsible for my feelings and my thoughts.  This is my choice.

When I was a child and was angry or upset, my parents would ask me how long I intended to be angry.  At first I thought it was strange, but then it became normal behavior.  If I responded with twenty minutes, than for twenty minutes, they would leave me alone and let me sulk and be very very angry with them.  However, at the end of the twenty minutes, they would come to me and let me know my time was up.  It was time to change my outlook on the situation.  Now there were situations as I grew older that required full days or even several days of anger or sadness, but just the same, at the conclusion of my time frame, my parents would come back to me and check to see that my frame of mind had adjusted and let me know it was me responsible for my happiness and it was time to find that within me once again.

I watched a video this morning on this very topic.  It spoke of being responsible for your own happiness within a relationship (marriage specifically).  If you are not happy within and responsible for your own happiness, than you come to the partnership with an empty cup, constantly rattling it begging for someone else to fill your cup for you.  If you both come to the table that way, it is destined to fail.  If one of you comes to the table that way, it is destined to fail.

A partnership is defined as a relationship resembling a legal partnership and usually involving close cooperation between parties having specified and joint rights and responsibilities.  Notice the words “joint rights and responsibilities“.  JOINT.  Not part, not sum, not half-way.

Come to the table with your own joy from within.  Throughout your marriage there will be many peaks and valleys.  Sometimes you will pull 50% of the line and sometimes 70%, even 90%.  Just remember, there are days when your partner will be pulling the same amount when you are in a valley.  If you are responsible for your own feelings, it will make towing the line int he relationship so much easier.  As thought there is no anchor weighing you both down.

I hope you find your happiness within and enjoy your journey through life.  As always, have a happy day!

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Feeling fluffy and finding my way

So I just have to share a little about self-esteem today.  I have struggled with this a lot in the past year.  Probably more so than I ever have in my life.  About a year ago I got super sick out of the blue and was very scared and unsure of what was to come.  I lost a lot of weight as a result.  Though I’ve never been a very large woman, I started to look like Skelator with a bobble head and it was very scary.  My friends and family were noticing and getting super concerned as well.  I have since made a full recovery and have gone in the opposite direction and am now feeling a little fluffy.  Still not a very large woman, but bigger than I would like to be.  Then again, I think this could be the complaint of any woman on any given day.  Now, I am not looking for diet advice or a compliment here.  Trust me, that is the furthest thing from my mind.  What I am trying to do these days is find a happy medium in my mind.  It truly bothers me when anyone makes any comment good or bad about my looks or my weight.  It always has.

I am curvy.  I am not small.  I am not large.  In my husbands eyes, I am beautiful and this is really all that matters.  But I want to see beautiful when I look in the mirror too.  I see other woman who are bigger than me and smaller than me and I am secretly jealous of not their beauty, but of their confidence.  I want to be as confident of a large woman who holds her head high and knows she is just as beautiful as a small chested very petite woman.  Self-confidence starts at a young age.  It is built up and broken down.  I’m not really sure where mine went off track, but in the past year of my body shape drastically changing, coupled with many years of drastic changes due to decisions of my own… my self-esteem was the first thing to suffer.

Here I am trying to re-build it.  I have tried and am trying all the fad diets, the trendy outfits, the make-up and more.  As I think of it, it is truly an inside job.  I have to accept me for me and love me.  I have a beautiful life.  A wonderful husband.  Two wonderful sons who I am beyond blessed to have, grandchildren, a sister, amazing parents, and friends.  (Notice I didn’t mention the “stuff”)  Sure, I have “Stuff”, but it’s the people in my life who make me smile and fill my heart.  The stuff keeps me comfortable, but I can’t take that with me,  The memories I make every day with the people I love is what matters.

I have no idea if anyone out there feels that same way.  Confused and struggling with their self-image, but all the while knowing they have a pretty damn good life and happiness is right there.  The smile is waiting for me in the mirror if I just give myself a chance and cut myself a break.  I guess I just needed a reminder.  A daily reminder to keep smiling at myself in addition to the stranger on the street.

I hope you are having a happy day.

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